things you said at 1AM
by the-keionbu
Summary: Chinese Organ Body Clock Studies: "1-3AM Liver: If you're not sleeping at this time, you can quickly become deficient. The liver is also emotionally connected to anger. You may find that you wake up between 1-3am if you have repressed anger or long standing resentment. Symptoms of liver imbalances include irregular menstruation, anemia, chronic fatigue, and headache." [Ritsu/Mio]


_**a/n:** For the 'things you said' prompts on tumblr from anon; thanks, anon! Based on the Chinese Organ Body Clock Studies, as well as my headcanon that once Ritsu and Mio get together, they don't tell their friends of their relationship immediately (because angst is fun)_

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 **things you said at 1AM**

Eyes rapidly flutter open, body immediately sits up, and dark, long hair flows forward, surrounding her body like a curtain as she holds her chest and heaves ragged breaths. Swallowing hard she looks to her left at her sleeping partner, resting with not a care in the world, mouth wide open and long bangs tussled around her face.

Mio swings her legs out from under the blankets and over the side of the bed, arms wrapped around her midriff , hugging herself.

Nearly every night that she and Ritsu have shared a bed, she awakes at this time. It used to be just a simple jolt awake, she would be untangled from the embrace she had on Ritsu earlier when they went to bed, and she would assume that position again and go back to sleep. Lately, though, she'll awake feeling completely drained, emotionally, and indescribably tense.

She's never woken Ritsu up when this happens. Occasional nightmares, yes, but this, no. Mio herself hasn't an idea what keeps on pegging her at this time, nor the way she feels. She doesn't dream, or if she did dream, doesn't remember what it was. All she knows is that when she reattaches herself to Ritsu, a serene calming washes over her body and she drifts off into blissful unconsciousness once again.

But this is the first night it's gotten this bad. Her heart beats at an irregular erratic pace, she's short of breath, she feels physically weak, and tears sting her eyes. Despite the way her body is negatively feeling, the thing that alarms her the most is that she can put a names to the emotions she's feeling.

Growing in the pit of her stomach, she feels a swirl of resentment and frustration and is hit with her mind replying all the close calls her and Ritsu have had lately of almost outing their relationship. She can tell Ritsu was starting to lose patience at her insistence on keeping it a secret. The longer Mio waits and avoids the subjects, the more she feels anxious about it. Her friends are reasonable, accepting, supportive (almost scarily supportive of one another), but each day she realizes that it's not how her friends will feel once her and Ritsu public voice their relationship–it's herself.

Mio lets out a deep breath, still trying to calm her heart and tell herself not to worry about it, but two unexpected arms wrap around her neck and pull her in, telling her otherwise.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's just a nightmare, Mio. Come back and lay down; I'm right here. I won't leave you. You're okay, you're okay, Mio."

And just like that, the built up emotions fell apart and appear in the form of wet, hot tears and a series of breathy, soundless sobs. Ritsu may have interpreted her awaking wrong, but the words coming out of her mouth held the magic comfort and confirmation she needed.

 _"I'm right here. I won't leave you."_

They've said 'I love you' to one another, but these words stab her heart with self-resentment and guilt. But underneath all of that, blissful relief.

She's afraid this time together as a couple will all shatter like a dream once other people know. She resents her cowardly nature and low self-esteem for placing these illogical thoughts in her head. She feels guilty for being unjustly angry at Ritsu for all the times the other had suggested they tell their friends. But that pang of relief she feels at Ritsu's words that the fickle, social butterfly won't leave her makes her feel sick with herself at even insinuating the fact that Ritsu isn't committed to this, and the cycle starts all over again.

But for now, as Ritsu rocks her in her arms and kisses her neck with soft kisses, four words leave her lips in a whisper on impulse before she even has time to think.

" _Please_ , don't ever leave."

Ritsu's response catches her off guard and makes her cry even harder and get angrier at herself.

"Never."

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 _ **a/n:** I lov my angsty, homodachis_


End file.
